


Koutarou-san...

by lyovochka



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Frustration, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyovochka/pseuds/lyovochka
Summary: It's crazy and unfair how love could hurt someone. Akaashi never thought how loving someone could hurt this much.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Koutarou-san...

A phone call from Hinata surprised Akaashi. His brain stopped functioning, tried to capture what the orange-haired boy had told him via the call. Akaashi then rushed towards a man who is busily struggling to finish the last page of the manga panel which needs to be collected later.

“I’m sorry Tenma-san, I’m sorry” Akaashi apologized to the mangaka. As if he made a big mistake. Tenma, however, was confused. “What happened Akaashi-san? What are you apologizing for? --Wait, did I have to change this page again?”. 

Akaashi, on the other hand, had already felt the guiltiness surrounding him, for what he was about to request next. “I’m sorry Tenma-san, there’s something happened, and I need to – before even finishing his sentence, Tenma saw tears running down Akaashi’s face. He noticed something was wrong with that editor of his now. Tenma understands that maybe something important must’ve happened to Akaashi and decided to let him go. “Thank you so much Tenma-san, I will surely be responsible for what selfish things I did right now,”.

Akaashi rushed to the station to buy a train ticket. He sacrificed all his savings for last month to buy that bullet train ticket. It’s quicker to travel using the bullet train than driving the car. He could have slept in it, but he couldn’t. His heartbeat was beating faster than usual, showing how nervous and scared he is. His body is shivering not because of the aircon but thinking how scared he is if he’s going to lose someone he truly loves. It took approximately two and a half hours to go to Sendai. He then rushed to the hospital, which Hinata told him about on the phone call. 

As soon as he arrived at the hospital, he ran to the receptionist, “Is Bokuto Koutarou here? Which room is it? Please tell me?!” He was already screaming at the counter. His calm image has long gone since the minute he got that phone call from Hinata. 

___________________________________

~ Three hours earlier ~ 

“Akaashi-san, I need you to calm down and listen to this. Bokuto-san has been involved in an accident. His body wasn’t any harmed, but he hurt his head so we --- without listening to Hinata’s explanation, Akaashi rushed to Tenma.

~Present time~

“Calm down mister, you can’t raise your voice, this is a hospital!” One of the nurses was checking which room Bokuto is in. Akaashi couldn’t wait any longer, the nurse was taking forever just to check the room of his beloved person. “Okay, Bokuto Koutarou huh? It’s room number 321, hey! Don't run in the hospital” Without even saying thank you, Akaashi ran to find room number 321. 

His mind is full of Bokuto, he was worried if anything were to happen to his precious person, he won’t forgive himself. Akaashi then saw a familiar figure, it was Hinata. 

“Akaashi-san! What are you doing here? Wait a minute, did you come here from Tokyo?!” Hinata was still dumbfounded. He can’t believe that Akaashi is willing to come from Tokyo just because of the phone call he received three to four hours ago. “Anyway Hinata, how was Koutarou-san?”.

It was a moment of silence. Hinata couldn’t even imagine how Akaashi will react after he heard the news. The orange-haired boy was still thinking, choosing his words to tell the boyfriend of his Black Jackals teammate, trying not to make him feel disheartening. 

___________________________________

Yes, Akaashi Keiji is Bokuto Koutarou’s boyfriend.

It’s been three months since then.

It was Akaashi at first who was bold enough to confess to his long-awaited crush. Bokuto, however, doesn’t recognize Akaashi’s feeling for him, not until the end of the game between Black Jackals and Schweiden Adlers.

Bokuto always thought that woman is always for a man so, Akaashi thought about playing this little ‘game' with Bokuto that if he could make his senior fall in love with him then, they would have to go out together. Eventually the purpose of this ‘game’ is to force Bokuto to fall in love with Akaashi. Akaashi knew it was such a cruel way to make someone fall in love with him but all he doesn’t even care about anything anymore. He just wants Bokuto to be by his side and surprisingly Bokuto agrees. 

It was the third week after the ‘game’ began and Akaashi felt like it was useless to carry on with the ‘game’ plan. He decided that he will give up on Bokuto after BJ and Schweiden match ends. Bokuto, on the other hand, was surprised that Akaashi showed up in his match. It made Bokuto feel like Akaashi is telling him the truth, how he truly loves him. Well, Bokuto didn’t believe in Akaashi at first because he thought Akaashi was just playing around with him. After the match, they met at the locker room and Bokuto confessed how grateful he is to have someone like Akaashi in his life. Akaashi was in tears; thinking how his effort for these three weeks in that ‘game’ he had with Bokuto has finally resulted that it’s his win. He was struggling to force the oblivious Bokuto to fall in love with him. 

Without waiting for any minute, Akaashi then slips a light kiss on Bokuto’s lips. It was soft at first but slowly gaining passion. Bokuto returned his kiss passionately, almost brutal movement of his tongue as if asking for permission from Akaashi. Their tongues intercepted each other and finally, their eyes met. Akaashi was crying, knowing Bokuto finally accepted him. Little did they know that a cute little mouse was watching them. 

Upon Akaashi’s request, they started calling each other first’s names since then. The truth is, Akaashi has devoted feelings for Bokuto for such a long time—since the last year of middle school when he first saw Bokuto in a match. He always thought that the horned-owl-haired was his star.

In the first year of high school, where the first time they met; he’d always want to call him by his first name because he thought it would be intimate. They started dating right after that incident in the locker room but still haven’t done anything yet besides kissing and cuddling. This had made Akaashi worried at the same time if Bokuto would be bored at him. He was actually kind of nervous to make the first move with his former wing spiker but as long as Bokuto has accepted him, then it’s fine, or so Akaashi thought that. 

“Um, Akaashi-san, Bokuto-san is already awake right now, but the thing is – I didn’t want you to feel sad, but the doctor said --- “Hinata!!! Who are you talking to?!” The familiar loving voice was shouting for Hinata came from the room beside them. It was Bokuto’s voice. Akaashi never felt so relieved in his life before but --- “Akaashi!! What are you doing here? Did you come here to visit me? Aww, you’re a such a good junior, Akaashi” Bokuto was happy enough to see his former setter come to visit him but it was the opposite with Akaashi.

___________________________________

It was crushing. Akaashi could hear as if his own heart was crushing into pieces. After all, they called each other by first names now but why is his boyfriend calling him Akaashi? That’s what he thought. “Wait a minute, Koutarou-san, why are you calling me Akaashi? Koutarou-san, Koutarou-san, are you okay?” Akaashi unconsciously ending up embracing his boyfriend. Bokuto however, didn’t have any idea what’s going on in his former setter’s head.  


“Anyway Akaashi, why are you hugging me? Hey hey hey do you miss me that much huh?” Bokuto’s laughing at his jokes. 

Akaashi looked up his boyfriend’s face “What? Do you remember anything Koutarou-san? The confession?! The game?! Did you remember what you said to me after the match?!” Akaashi’s face was about to cry anytime now upon waiting for Bokuto’s answer to his question.

“What are you talking about Akaashi? What game? Did we have an eating game? By the way Akaashi, why are you calling me Koutarou huh? It's not that I hate it but it’s kind of weird to hear it coming from you” 

Akaashi has now lost it. His blood pressure feels like it’s increasing upon hearing to Bokuto’s response. 

After all these years he’s been preparing himself to confess to him, he’s been waiting to be intimate with Bokuto but what the hell is happening now? His head is all messed up now. He can’t even control his anger now. The real Akaashi was about to explode. 

“What do you mean ‘what game’ huh?! Do you know how hard it is for me to tell you all my feelings?! Don't mess with me Koutarou! What do you --- a hand laid on Akaashi’s shoulder. Trying to calm him down, Hinata takes him to talk outside of Bokuto’s room. Bokuto, however, was still dumbfounded, it's the first time Akaashi raise his voice in front of him. 

“Um, Akaashi-san, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings but --- his tears started to fall ---but...Bokuto-san is having amnesia. He doesn’t even remember about the game we had with Kageyama. I’m so sorry Akaashi-san, that’s mean he doesn’t remember your confession as well, but you can’t blame him. It’s not like he wants it to be like this”. Hinata started crying right after he told Akaashi about Bokuto’s condition. 

Akaashi stumped. “Koutarou-san have amnesia?”. 

“Yes, he is, the doctor said it was useless for him to regain his memories in this short term because of the shock he had in his head”. 

Akaashi has now realized Hinata said something about the confession. “But Hinata, how did you know about the confession?”. He was embarrassed at first but still, he asked Hinata anyway. 

“I’m so sorry but I overheard what you and Bokuto-san, um....in the locker room after the match that day”. 

___________________________________

Shocked. Devastating. Heartbroken.

So, Koutarou-san has amnesia now huh? 

So, he didn’t even remember about my confession huh?

Looks like even Heaven isn’t on my side. Maybe this is my punishment to force people to reject human’s natural attraction huh? 

Akaashi sits down on the chair outside, thinking; what should he do now. It was hard enough for Akaashi to make Bokuto fall in love with him and yet this happened. 

It was hard enough to make Bokuto believe that love exists between man and man. Hopeless. That was Akaashi thought. Even the doctor said it was useless to make his memories return. Dilemma. Akaashi doesn’t even know how to explain to Bokuto about their newborn relationship. 

What if Bokuto thought he was a pervert because he has been crushing on him since the third year of middle school? What if Bokuto thought he was weird because he’s romantically in love with a man? What if Bokuto thinks that Akaashi is disgusting? That last thought had made Akaashi scared. He’s scared if Bokuto will hate him if he finds out that they’re going out together. He’s scared if Bokuto suddenly rejects him for the second time but he’s so scared if Bokuto doesn’t even want to see his face anymore. What should he do? After all, Bokuto Koutarou is Akaashi Keiji’s star. He was his first love. 

Akaashi shared most of his firsts with Bokuto. First crush. First confession. First kiss. First boyfriend he ever had. He wants to do more things with Bokuto. He wants to spend their first holiday together. First date, first Valentine’s day, movie nights sleepover and more. 

Countless thought had crossed Akaashi’s mind about Bokuto. He wants to create more sweet memories with his precious boyfriend. Akaashi wants to be by Bokuto’s side forever. He wants to feel loved by his precious person but how Akaashi thought that dreams can be just dreams. 

Akaashi then finally came to a decision; what’s best for him and Bokuto.

“Bokuto-san, how are you feeling now?” Without even waiting for Bokuto’s respond he said “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier but I have to go now, I still have work to do hehe” hiding his tears, he hugged Bokuto as hard as he could as if it was the last time he would see him, and he left the room, waved his hand as a sign of goodbye to Bokuto; he then whispered something to Hinata that made him about to cry. 

The oblivious Bokuto just waved back at his former setter without knowing what’s the real meaning of those actions meant to him. 

As soon as Akaashi stepped outside, he was already on his knees, crying out his heartbroken feelings. 

It hurts so much. 

Akaashi never thought heartbreak could feel this hurt. 

It's crazy and unfair how love can hurt someone. 

How cruel love is. 

How could he have just fallen out of love so fast for this man? 

After all these years, after all the efforts he did just to make Bokuto fall in love with him, all was useless. He just couldn’t bear it anymore. Picturing his life without loving Bokuto would be terrifying enough. 

He was “star” that crossed his mind. 

How could he forget, Bokuto is his first love, to begin with. 

It’s true what they’ve said that first love never works out but never forgotten. 

Akaashi covered his mouth to make sure his voice doesn’t let out. It was devastating but Akaashi managed to hold it.

___________________________________

Akaashi comes to work as usual the day after that. His brokenhearted isn’t heal yet but what can be done? He has tons of work to do. He didn’t regret his decision yesterday.

“What else to regret? I was the one who forced him to love me".

He let out a small laugh remembering how he made Bokuto fall in love with him for that three weeks of that ‘game’.

“What are you laughing at, Akaashi-san?” Tenma noticed Akaashi finally smiled for the first time today. 

“Nothing at all, here Tenma-san the scene in here has to be more dramatic when the main character shows up”. 

“Oh, okay Akaashi-san I tried to look at it again”. Akaashi never tells anybody about the things that happened to him and Bokuto. 

He keeps it to himself. The frustrations, the heartbreak, the guiltiness have all been hiding in his small body of his.

No one knows how fragile Akaashi’s heart is. 

___________________________________

Love can’t be forced. 

He doesn’t want to hurt Bokuto anymore. 

He doesn’t want to make a stupid silly ‘game’ again just to make that oblivious Bokuto fall for him. 

Bokuto is free to love whoever he wants and Akaashi doesn’t want to tame that pure-hearted Bokuto just to reject human’s natural law of attraction. 

It’s better this way.

Akaashi has been saying it every day to his face. 

___________________________________

'Cause the sun always sets

The moon always falls

It feels like the end

Just pay no mind at all

Keep rolling

Rolling

Life must go on

It’s been three years since then.

Bokuto is now a happy father with his two cute daughters and a loving wife. His wife is so beautiful and kind towards Akaashi. He could never hate Bokuto's wife. How could he? It's the beloved person of his beloved person after all. Akaashi also has become one of the top shonen manga editors in his company. He will pay a visit to Bokuto once in a while to play with his daughters. Yes, it hurts. Seeing your most beloved person is living a happy life without you by his side, but what else could Akaashi do? As long as Bokuto is happy then so is he.

Bokuto never recovered from his amnesia but Akaashi got no complaints at all. He's satisfied with his life this way. 

___________________________________

“Hinata, please don’t tell Bokuto-san anything okay? I want things to be this way”. 

___________________________________

Akaashi Keiji broke off his relationship with Bokuto Koutarou who suffered from amnesia; without his boyfriend knowing about the existence of their romantic relationship. 

___________________________________

"After all, Koutarou-san is a straight man, to begin with".


End file.
